


settling into galaxies

by wortfee



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 15:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5296400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wortfee/pseuds/wortfee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friends with Benefits never ends well, never. Marco knows that, but he doesn't care when he feels Jonas's body pressed into his, when every breath he takes smells likes Jonas, when he can tell his story in form of hickeys and bruises, littered all over Jonas. But when the darkness of the night doesn't surround them anymore and the only trace of Jonas is his smell all over Marco's bed, he isn't able to ignore the ache anymore. It's not exactly in his heart, not a piercing pain, but a pain that's dull and seems to come from everywhere all at once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	settling into galaxies

**Author's Note:**

> Finally. Finally, this is finished. I originally didn't want this to be so long, but you know, it happened. It's not really that long, but it's the longest One Shot I've written in this fandom.  
> This is basically just Reumann featuring Erik Durm, Pierre-Emerik Aubameyang, bath bombs and some cooking. What a curious combination.  
> Okay, if I am being honest with you here, this is just me coping with some stuff. But it's Reumann, so I hope you like it. Whether or not, I'd love to read your opinion. At first this was only a 1000 words, but shit happened and this didn't felt complete anymore, so I had to add more.  
> I hope you enjoy it, lovelies.

Friends with Benefits never ends well, never. Marco knows that, but he doesn't care when he feels Jonas's body pressed into his, when every breath he takes smells likes Jonas, when he can tell his story in form of hickeys and bruises, littered all over Jonas. But when the darkness of the night doesn't surround them anymore and the only trace of Jonas is his smell all over Marco's bed, he isn't able to ignore the ache anymore. It's not exactly in his heart, not a piercing pain, but a pain that's dull and seems to come from everywhere all at once.

Pierre notices, of course he does - he is Pierre and his best friend after all, but Marco can't talk about that with Pierre, although he'd probably understand him and if not, he'd defintley be able to cheer him up. But every time he tries to talk with him, Marco remembers Jonas's eyes glistening with tears and his shaky voice, the quiet " _Promise me to tell nobody about this, nobody_ " and then their lips met for the first time in a kiss that wasn't perfect all because their teeth crushed together and there was too much spit, but he could feel Jonas's trembling decreasing and his heartbeat increasing.

They made what Marco calls an arrangement that night. Jonas hesitantly opened up to him about how he felt when he realized that he's gay, the angst, the anger, the confusion. "I've never kissed a guy before," he said and Marco suddenly felt a warm feeling in his gut, that he tried to ignore mostly. "I - I just want to experiment, I guess? If that's alright with you." And Marco nodded and kissed Jonas again, tried to show him that he didn't need to be confused or angry or anxious anymore because he was here and wouldn't leave, but Jonas pulled away from him and asked: "So, just sex and nothing more?" Marco nodded again.

Marco tries to ignore Jonas mostly when they are in training, which doesn't work, especially now after Erik's finally back and all Jonas seems to do is to talk with Erik, and Marco can't help but look at them all the time. So, he tries to run faster and faster and faster, until his calves burn, his lungs burn and Tuchel pats him on the back after he's done with a smile that is way to knowing. Jonas waits for him sometimes, if only to lean forward, whisper "Tonight at my place" in his ear and then quickly go away again.

And Marco is weak, so weak, because he knows that Jonas doesn't have feelings for him, that Marco's body isn't art for him like Jonas's body is for him, that every breath Jonas takes, without Marco's lips on his own doesn't feel like a nuisance like it feels for Marco, but he still isn't able to stop. _Better this than nothing_ is what he tells himself after he wakes up alone and sees Jonas and Erik exchanging hugs and smiles and lingering touches.

"Are you free tonight?" Jonas asks him after training and Marco knows that something is wrong from the way he doesn't look him in the eye, instead they dart from side to side. His shoulders are hunched and he looks even more miserable than he did in the last few weeks. Marco knows that the situation is difficult for Jonas, hoping to play every time and yet be disappointed each and every time again. He is itching to play, to show his skills on the pitch, but it's Tuchel's decision and Tuchel doesn't seem to think that Jonas is good enough right now. That's something Marco can't grasp, can't understand, because how could someone think Jonas is not good enough?

"Yes," he quickly says. Jonas's eyes still don't meet his. "Is everything alright?"

Jonas finally looks at him, and he looks surprised. "Yes, of course. It's nothing, really," he's quick to reassure him, but Marco doesn't feel reassured at all. He learned to read Jonas, learned when to back off and when to keep pushing because otherwise Jonas would never open up. So, he pushes now.

"That's a lie and we both know it," Marco says and he doesn't really think about his next words, they just flow out of his mouth, "Is it because you can't play? It'll get better, Tuchel has to give you some chances and - "

"It's not about that," Jonas quickly interrupts him, "It's really not. I'll talk to you later, alright?" Marco watches him go and maybe it doesn't really hurt because that's all he seems to do these days.

 

They have sex and it's good sex like it always it, but Marco doesn't forget Jonas's words or his hunched shoulders or his very miserable state. "What's bothering you so much?" he asks and maybe it's weird that he caresses Jonas's cheek while he's asking because he isn't his lover, he's just a fuck buddy, but he doesn't care. He needs to feel close to Jonas in a way that isn't sex or rough kisses, he needs this gentle touch, and he needs it probably more than Jonas does.

"When I left last season, I didn't really thought about Erik. Not in that way at least, and I just didn't think about how it would affect him, how hard it would be for him. I really wanted to play, a- and I thought I could do that in Mainz, but, well, you know how that worked out, so I decided to go back, and now everything is just a mess - I just, I hate it that I can't play, it makes me feel like, I don't know it just," Jonas doesn't finish his sentence and Marco doesn't push him anymore, he pulls him just into a hug, but Jonas is frozen and and still, so Marco looses his arms around him and lets him crawl out of his bed.

Marco is sometimes good with his words, but he's mostly bad with them, and without Jonas being literally right beside him, he can't really do anything to comfort him. He doesn't know what to say and his tongue feels too heavy, like it wouldn't move even if he knew what to say, so he just watches Jonas picking up his clothes.

"I'm sorry," Jonas says and smiles his half-cheerful, half-sad smile. Marco tries to smile back, but he doesn't know if Jonas can see him because it's dark and he doesn't know if his smile looks like a smile or rather like a grimace. "I'm sorry," he says again and waits for something, but Marco's tongue is still tied and his brain somehow can't produce a sentence, so he says nothing and lets Jonas leave.

Friends with Benefits never ends well, never, and Marco should have learned his lesson ages ago, but it doesn't stop his heart from beating way too fast even after Jonas already left.

~~

Jonas doesn't like the way from Marco's to his apartment, but it's not something that would make him stop see Marco or spend nights at his place. Maybe he doesn't like it because he always walks the short distance when it's dark, very early in the morning or late at night. He especially doesn't like the dark alleys today because he feels empty and cold and tired. He doesn't know why he said all these things to Marco, why he almost spilled his gut to him. He's bad at opening up and he knows it, but he never experienced this - the urge so strong to tell someone what was on his mind that he couldn't stop himself and just talked. Jonas likes to keep to himself when it comes to personal things, and opening up, even if it was just a tiny bit, felt weird. Not even Erik knows about this kind of stuff, and Erik is best friend, maybe a bit more, maybe his forever.

Jonas wishes that he could go back and feel Marco's arm around him, one hand gently cradling his head and the other one wrapped around him tightly. It felt so good, so right. But he can't because that would be even more weird and he's pretty sure that he just fucked up some kind of unspoken fuck buddy rule like "don't talk about your feelings", so he just walks faster to his own flat.

He doesn't really sleep well this night. He's tossing and turning around, his bed feels either way too cold or way too warm, so of course, he's grumpy when he wakes up, and ignores Marco's message. Whatever it is, he can't deal with it right now.

It's still too early to go to the training grounds, so he decides to take a bath, something that he used to do a lot back in the day, with a phone in his hand and talking to Erik while his skin got crinkly. Nowadays after training, he just feels tired because he knows his skills will never be enough to play at this club, he will never be enough. It's a thought that is painful, so he tries to ignore it and puts a bath bomb in his tub instead. As he watches the water get all bubbly, he has to think of Marco, who would probably love the bath bomb and would hop around like a little child, until he'd want to get into the water and drag Jonas with him, never mind that he'd still have clothes on. It's such a Marco-thing to do, and suddenly Jonas craves to be beside him, touch his hair and hear his voice, to just be with him. And the urge to call Marco is stronger than his urge to get himself in the bubbly water, so he grabs his phone and diales Marco's number. He can't go into the bath tub, though, because these talks in the bath tub only belong to Erik.

"Hello?" Marco picks up right after the second ring. "Jonas, why are you calling?"

"I just wanted to talk you," he says and he feels silly, but Marco is silly everyday, so he doesn't think that it really matters. Marco answers "Alright" and Jonas can imagine him, sprawled out on his bed because it's still too early for training, his hair a mess, but still looking somehow good. And they talk and talk and talk about silly things, about the snow and the winter, about their teammates, and then they still talk while Jonas is making breakfast, his phone on loud speaker now. It feels good to talk with Marco, so good that he doesn't want it to stop, so he offers to pick him up, and he completely forgets about the now cold water in the bath tub and the wasted bubbles.

He has to wait in front of Marco's house, which isn't a surprise really, Marco always needs more time and Jonas talked to him all morning, so he probably didn't have time to do his hair or something like that. "I'm sorry!" Marco shouts and rips the passenger door open. He ignores Jonas playfully accusatory stare and just shrugs. "You know I need time in the mornings," he says, and Jonas doesn't know what to feel because yes, he did know that, but he never was around to actually witness it because he almost never stays and when he does it's on the weekend. He wants to get this lost time back and wants to have this memories of Marco sprawled out on his bed, eyes still sleepy and hair still messy, so he decides to makes new ones, and kisses Marco. It's risky, maybe not incredibly so because it's still early and it's not like anybody from the press knows where they live, but still, they are only in his car and everybody could see them. Jonas doesn't care. The only thing he cares about are Marco's lips, his tongue, his taste.

Marco is the one who breaks the kiss, but he puts his forehead against Jonas' and smiles a smile that would be able to open up the sky. "We should probably drive now or Tuchel is going to kill us because we are so late," he laughs as he says it, and he clearly means it to be a joke. It isn't one for Jonas, though. "Fuck!" he swears and starts his car. He drives too fast, and Marco looks at him worried because his face is probably closed off. Fuck, he doesn't want Marco to think that he's like a moody teenager, but he hates being late for training - Tuchel always looks at him like he'd done something incredibly wrong and he doesn't want to aggravate him further, make him bench him more.

"Is everything alright?" Marco asks. "Yes, yes, I just don't want to be late - Tuchel will be angry, and," Marco interrupts him with a kiss. This time it's really risky, but the kiss calms Jonas down and he doesn't even care that they will be even more late. "It's just one time, Jonas, don't worry. You can go first, I'll wait here for a second," and Jonas wants to kiss Marco again, but he really doesn't have the time now, so he scrambles out of his car and throws a smile back at Marco.

Tuchel actually doesn't rip his head off, just stares at him shouts something that sounds like "Get your ass on the pitch now!" Jonas happily complies and runs over to Erik, who does his warm-up alone.  
"Hey," he smiles and begins to stretch, "Everything alright?" Erik nods, but that's all. After a few minute of silence that lays thick between them, Erik finally speaks up. "You seem happy, " he says and it's such a weird thing for Erik to say, out of the blue, that Jonas doesn't know what to answer. He settles for a nod. Erik's eyes feel strangely intense on him, but he doesn't say something either, so they stretch in silence, until Matze comes along, all smiles and silly faces, and Jonas tries to forget about this strange exchange. He can't though, can't forget the feeling of Erik's expressive eyes and what this question meant, right after he kissed Marco in his car. Can Erik really read him that well?

After training, he searches for Marco and finds him in the locker room, Auba like always on his side. Jonas stays in the doorframe, watching them. They're both at their phones and Auba nudges Marco from time to time to show him something on his phone that makes Marco laugh loudly. They are comfortable, there was always this easy understanding between them, although there were some language barriers, something that Jonas is envying a lot. It's not as easy with Marco and him. Hell, he doesn't even know what he feels, let alone Marco.

"Hoffi, what're you doing?" Auba looks up from his phone and smiles a bright smile. Marco also looks up, and while Auba's smile is bright, Marco's has to be pure sunshine.

"I just wanted to ask Marco if we could hang out today?" Jonas feels himself blush as he stutters out the question. Auba winks at him, and gets up to leave. "I'll let you two talk. FIFA on Saturday, Marco?"  
Marco nods and Jonas tries to ignore the sudden shot of hot jealousy. He isn't supposed to feel this, they're just friends after all. They're just friends, even if their kisses in the car felt like something more, but Jonas can't quite put his finger on what he exactly felt.

"Is everything alright? Tuchel wasn't angry at you, was he?"  
"No, no, I just - tonight at your place?" He doesn't want to ask now what everything means. The words are in the back of his throat, but there's already a smile plastered on his face and a smile feels so much better than the ugly questions he has.

"Yes, of course. Just come over around seven, I'll cook something," Marco says and Jonas feels the jealousy, that still lingers in his body, fade into something else. Something warmer, something that settles deep in his chest and doesn't go away. He realizes that he doesn't want the feeling to fade, the same way he doesn't want to walk the way from Marco's apartment to his when it's dark and cold and lonely outside.

~~

The food is cold.

Marco started cooking hours ago, rice and okra, something that Auba thought him some time ago. He considers beer or wine, but he doesn't have any, and they shouldn't been drinking alcohol anyway, so he settles for orange juice.

But that all doesn't matter because it's nine o' clock and there's no Jonas. Not a call, not a text, nothing. He was angry at first, but now he's just worried. It isn't like Jonas to be this late and not say anything. Even to all their fuck buddy meetings, Jonas was always punctual, not too early, not too late. Maybe he just decided to do something else, maybe he just didn't want sex anymore because that was Marco was for him, right? Just a good, uncomplicated fuck. Marco throws the food in the trash. His okras are never as good as Auba's anyway, always a bit too hard.

Right after he settled on the couch with blankets wrapped around him, the doorbell rings. For a moment, he thinks of not getting up, but there's a chance that it's Jonas and he never would forgive himself if that was the case. He opens the door and his heart skips a beat.

There is Jonas in front of him. He looks so small, way smaller than he usually is, and Marco doesn't realize why until he sees Jonas's eyes. They are bloodshot and red, tears brimming in them. He gently smiles at him and opens the door a bit wider. He doesn't ask what happened, but he steers him to the sofa and wraps the blankets around Jonas. Then he just sits beside him and lightly strokes Jonas's hand.

"I talked with Erik," Jonas's voice is hoarse and quiet, "We- we talked and he was so angry, and Marco, he was so hurt," Jonas's face looks like he's in pain just from thinking about it, but he continues after a few seconds. "He was hurt because of us, Marco. He said he couldn't be with me everyday, but - but that he still would love me. Erik loves me, he really loves me"

And Jonas seems so confused by the concept of somebody loving him, that Marco doesn't know if he wants to cry or to laugh. How can someone so gorgeous as Jonas have so little faith in himself?

"And you love him too?"

Jonas nods and then shakes his head. "I love him and I guess, I could be together with him, it's so easy, you know? He knows me so well and he's beautiful, but - but he kissed me and it didn't feel right"

Marco waits for Jonas to say something else, but he doesn't, so he gets up and inspects his trash can, until Jonas asks him what he does. "Well, since you are so spectacularly late, I've thrown the food away and now we need something to eat. You're already skinny enough, I don't want to be the reason you get even skinnier," his words have the desired effect on Jonas because he snorts and then laughs a little. It's not a full-hearted laugh, but it's a beginning.  
"I weigh as much as you do, I'm not skinny," Jonas says and his voice doesn't sound so broken and vulnerable anymore, so that's another beginning. "Doesn't matter, you're still skinny," Marco teases. He can't save anything from the trash can, though, so he grabs some cake from the fridge, that his mother left for him yesterday, and gets back on the couch.

They both eat a bit of the cake, but Marco is too busy to watch Jonas's face to eat much. He still doesn't understand what this means for them - that Erik and Jonas aren't a thing, apparently even weren't a thing, and that Jonas still came to him after their talk. If Jonas was obvious to Erik's love for him, he probably has no idea about Marco's feelings. He's still here, though. Still right by his side, and they aren't in bed right now.

"I love you," he says and it's the wrong time, the wrong place, but he can't stop himself and Jonas isn't stopping him either, so the words just tumble out of his mouth, "I love you and it feels terrible when you leave and I know that you don't love me back, that you only wanted to fuck, but, shit, Jonas, _I love you_ " Marco breathes heavily and Jonas looks at him like he's crazy before he surges forward and kisses him, hard. Marco's brain screams at him that this isn't the answer, that this is no answer, but the frantic, passionate way Jonas kisses him can be just one answer. Jonas wants him. Maybe it's not love, maybe it's just lust, but Marco lived with only lust from Jonas all these weeks, so he can live with it now too if he has too.

Jonas is panting when they break their kiss, and it shouldn't feel so intense, shouldn't feel like they're still teenagers and this is their first kiss. But it does.

"Come on, bedroom," Marco says and tries to get up from the couch, but Jonas presses him down. "No," he says, "I just - I have to tell you something. You know why the kiss with Erik didn't feel right?" Marco shrugs. He doesn't want to think about Erik right now.  
"It felt good, but it wasn't you," Jonas looks at him, and Marco breaks into a smile because this isn't a "I love you", this is just Jonas telling him that there is something. "And I love Erik, and I thought I love him in that way, but it just doesn't feel right because he isn't you and you are just - you are just yourself, you know?" Marco wants to answer something, but Jonas doesn't let him and talks again: "Let's just try this alright? I don't think I am good at relationships or whatever, but we can try, right?"

"Of course we can," Marco says and he feels so happy in that moment, so happy because this is more than he ever imagined, this is Jonas telling him that he wants a relationship, but still needs time. "We have all the time in the world. And now, we should eat something else than this cake. We'll make noodles"

And they spend their evening in the kitchen, making out and cooking and eating noodles with burned tomato sauce because they both forgot to take it from the stove.

~~

Jonas doesn't like the way from Marco's to his apartment. The words slip out of him before he notices, but Marco just smiles at him, in a way that doesn't make him feel silly or like a little child, but loved and warm. He finally recognizes the feeling that settled into his body, right after Marco smiled at him and said "Yes, of course", it was _love._

"You can just stay here, I guess."

"I love you, too," he says, and his mouth his full of noodles and his words are slurred, but Marco smiles again and maybe it won't be forever, and maybe their thing won't even last longer than a few months and it doesn't feel like reaching for the stars, but more like settling into the galaxy, finding a home.


End file.
